Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thoughts on the Sanfords
You've heard of Mark Sanford by now, right? He's the Republican governor of South Carolina that admitted to having an affair with a woman in Argentina. He disappeared over Father's Day Weekend (Sorry kids, I can't come to Father's Day dinner...Daddy's busy!). Turns out he was in Argentina with his mistress.
His wife is committed to making the marriage work, but he said this today:
"South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford said Tuesday that he “crossed lines” with a handful of women other than his mistress - but never had sex with them.
The governor said he “never crossed the ultimate line” with anyone but Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentine at the center of a scandal that has derailed his once-promising political career.
“This was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story,” Sanford said. “A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day.”
During an emotional interview at his Statehouse office with The Associated Press on Tuesday, Sanford said Chapur is his soul mate but he’s trying to fall back in love with his wife."
Kids, this is why we don't live life based on feelings. "Gee, I'm going to give it a real college try to love my wife again. Aren't I a swell guy?"
A little tutorial for those of you who have cheated on your spouse... Here is what your wife (or husband) wants to hear: "I'm a schmuck and I am so sorry I traded in real love for a cheap imitation. You are a thousand times the person they are. Please, please, please, forgive me for being an idiot."
How you feel, or the reasons why you did it, are really irrelevant, at least from a Christian standpoint. There is only one right response: It was wrong and I'm sorry and it will never, ever, never, never, ever, never happen again.
Believe it or not, Sanford's is an attitude that I hear a lot when I counsel people who are dealing with similar situations. Often the person who is being cheated on hears this excuse; "Look, I love you (Mark Sanford didn't even do that), but I also love this other person. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened and I'm torn about what I should do." (*cough, baloney, *cough)
This is what you get when you base decisions on, not what is right or wrong, but how you feel.
There is a biblical way to handle this, that is not only right, but might well win your spouse back at the same time...and we'll talk about it tomorrow. I know the three of you who read this blog (not at the same time, of course) will not be able to sleep tonight. I apologize.